the imelda marcos of children's librarians

vacation

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 15:33:44 GMT

edit: i spelled bonnaroo wrong the whole time because i am clearly not really a hippie!

here's something i'm figuring out - you can have a post-vacation low even when you are in the middle of another vacation. since i've returned from bonarroo i've been a bit low...a little more anxiety and weird dreams and just sort of sad and lonely. it reminds me a lot of the feeling i used to get when i came home from camp in the summer in high school (and earlier). like i've been yanked out of one life and thrust into another more "real" but far lonelier life. i think, actually, it would have been smoother for me (although far more painful on tuesday morning) if i'd been not in the middle of travel, because going back to work and hanging out with friends are the kinds of things that counter these feelings. sitting around my parents house with no plans is not the kind of thing that counters these feelings. because it's not dissimilar from how i normally feel post-vacation. except that post-vacation means i'm done with vacation and in this instance i am not. and i just feel like i miss everyone so much. and it went from missing the people i was at bonarroo with (other than my love, of course, who just stepped out of the shower in this very same room) to missing everyone i'm not currently with. which, having left my life to travel for 14 months, is pretty much everyone except for my parents (it's a nice change to NOT miss them for once, i must say).

oh yeah, i also imbibed in some substances that probably threw my brain chemistry off whack slightly for a minute, also.

so, yeah, bonarroo was a blast. was with my sister, soon to be bro-in-law, my brother, one of my oldest bestest friends, her boyfriend (who i adore) and a lot of randoms who by the end of the week felt like best buddies. no fights, no problems, just lots of music, laughing, poo-talk, and general merriment. as ian says, the best way to really get to know people is to camp with them.

this was our set up:

(but with more people around - photo was taken after the rv next to us had departed.)

all my pictures are on facebook and will be on flickr soon, and when i have a minute i plan to make a bonarroo fashion post here.

for now, though, full force ahead in wedding planning for my sister's wedding which is a week from today. i am the best woman (having rejecting a title with the word matron in it). i am mostly helping out with last minute details, but i need to make some time to take care of my own tasks - writing a speech and getting together things i want to make sure we have that day in case of wardrobe malfunction or low blood sugar.

then i think we've decided to spend the 4th with some friends here in ohio (in dayton) and then hit pittsburgh for the 5th and 6th and onward to nj for some beach and sun. we have a weekend in nyc then fly out to geneva on july 20th.

new yorkers - what's a good bar (it's been awhile since i've lived there) to tell people to all meet up with us on a saturday night if they want to see us??? brooklyn or les or east village i'd say. unless nyc has really changed since i moved.

last bit of the road trip portion of our journey

Sun, 24 May 2009 17:25:46 GMT

athens with sarah till tomorrow
somewhere in the vicinity of asheville, nc tomorrow night
cary, nc with jake and chelsea tuesday and wednesday nights
(thursday we have to get our last dose of rabies and hep a/b at 2pm in cary)
thursday night - pigeon forge DOLLYWOOD
friday night - nashville
saturday and sunday nights - memphis
next monday and tuesday - kentucky with my sister
next wednesday - columbus with my brother
next thursday - mansfield with my parents

lack of secrets

Sun, 24 May 2009 09:03:09 GMT

turns out i don't have any secrets. hmm.

i'll say this though:

it'll be nice when enough has passed that i don't automatically think, "oh yeah, i remember this thing last time with you" and then feel immediately like someone kicked me in the nutsac. i know that time'll come. i hope a year'll help cause then it's not like all the events that repeat will have the "one year ago" memory associated with them anymore.

i made a new monk's kettle memory that didn't involve me so broken and crushed and crying that i couldn't touch a bite of their delicious delicious food and then didn't want to go back because of the association. then i went back to hmmmmm goodness and friends.

time heals, yo. especially if you work at it.

in the meantime, i wish time would heal my state of inebriation cause i thought i was fine until i saw it's 5am and i'm still awake and i tripped like 10 times on the way to the bathroom. curse you sarah and athens and your sweet tempting spirits! all day drinking tomorrow too. the south hates my liver.

but bless you michael stipe for letting me lay eyes upon you in that bar (and thank you sarah for knowing which bar which night). michael stipe. you may be a lot of things now that don't do much for me, but your band saved my young musical heart. 1988. thanks to adam schonberg and his mix-taping skills - a whole world opened up to my little head and heart and i don't know when or what would have done it eventually otherwise.

gonna shut the eyes and hope the brain joins.

oh um...sweet tea vodka is basically god's semen, it's so fucking good. just thought you should know.

a good update

Thu, 21 May 2009 15:56:45 GMT

so, i'm in jackson mississippi now. we had a lazy lazy night. walked to dinner nearby, but otherwise just hung out in the motel room (which is a luxury for us at this stage in the game). did some interneting, watched some king of the hill etc. this morning we've also been taking it slow - about to shower then head out of here. our order of the day is:
coffee
visitor center for the driving tour map
driving tour
drive to alabama

i've been using this book:

it's been really helpful in terms of making sure i see the things i really want to see, and also for providing a bit of background history.

last night i watched the glee pilot on hulu and loved it. how could i not when it pretty much ended with a brilliant rendition of don't stop believin'??? a made-for-sharon show as far as i can tell. teenagers, humor, hottness, singing and dancing, misfits etc.

i am behind on gossip girl - need to catch up on that shiznit once i get to ohio. chuck and blaire ftw.

i've read a few other books - when we were camping i read like crazy - went to bed and woke up with the sun. since we've been at people's houses i've read less and slowed way down. let's see if i can remember everything. links to the edition i read cause i'm a dork like that.
hunger point
my sister's keeper
valley of the dolls
the bluest eye
amy and isabelle
working on confessions of an ugly stepsister now

what is your favorite war song?

have been thinking a lot about friendship - in particular the few i've lost in my life dramatically. really only two - and both so different. i might expand upon these thoughts in a later more private entry when i have more time. i can't stop dreaming about this stuff, though. "i'm not ashamed to say i cried for you."

ok, gotta get dressed and get outta here.

secrets

Wed, 20 May 2009 14:44:51 GMT

busterbenson made a post about how quiet it is around here (lj) and how great that is. i thought about it for about 1 seconds and realized he is totally right - BRING ON THE SECRETS! lj feels cozy like it used to. like it could be a place i would bare my soul and wouldn't feel like i was standing naked in the middle of a high school classroom. or whatever. i can play on facebook and twitter with every human i've ever known, but let this be closer to what it used to be for me (and a lot of us).

anyhow, i'm in new orleans right now, staying with friends, and we head to jackson mississippi soon, after a brief drive through the ninth ward and stop at a plantation that is the oldest recorded home in the mississippi delta.

i'll save my secrets for tonight or tomorrow, but i'd love to try to get back to telling them here. emotions, dreams, hurt. it's all for you! lucky ducks.

xxoo.

Jambalaya, gumbo and red beans. Jealous?

Tue, 19 May 2009 23:56:18 GMT

Jambalaya, gumbo and red beans. Jealous?
Originally uploaded by dearanxiety

--dearanxiety

travel photos

Wed, 13 May 2009 14:46:12 GMT

mine are all going here.

.

ian's will eventually all be here.

Another day, another koa.

Mon, 11 May 2009 23:31:26 GMT

Another day, another koa.
Originally uploaded by dearanxiety

--dearanxiety

Cactus hugger.

Mon, 11 May 2009 01:54:53 GMT

Cactus hugger.
Originally uploaded by dearanxiety

--dearanxiety

The next 14 months of my life will look a lot like variations on this theme.

Sat, 09 May 2009 21:18:59 GMT

The next 14 months of my life will look a lot like variations on this theme.
Originally uploaded by dearanxiety

I love it already.
--dearanxiety

Good morning!

Wed, 06 May 2009 17:36:03 GMT

Good morning!
Originally uploaded by dearanxiety

--dearanxiety

a lousy nyer with a lousy nyer movie

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:57:12 GMT

A patron did not like "before the devil knows your dead"
Originally uploaded by dearanxiety

we found this in the bookdrop this morning. love it. maureen was dying.

walk like an egyptian

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 18:13:06 GMT

been to egypt? where/why/when/how? did you go on an organized trip to see things like pyramids?

addresses

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:07:32 GMT

if you want postcards while we travel, give me your address! i'm gonna put it in my little address book that is coming along. even if you think i already have it, giving it to me now will mean it makes it in my book. it's a cute book!

i'll screen comments so you can post here and no one will see but me.

money money

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 17:03:35 GMT

if you were going to travel around the world for a year, cheaply for the most part (staying lots of the time on couches and in hostels), how much would you want to have saved?

memphis? nashville?

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 21:48:36 GMT

if you know about memphis reply to this. trying to decide where to book a room/place to stay and don't know anything about the city. danke!

same with nashville, actually.

i was for reals this close to her.

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 06:46:17 GMT

are you jealous?

Wearing ridiculous pants for the britney spears concert.

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 00:22:34 GMT

Wearing ridiculous pants for the britney spears concert.
Originally uploaded by dearanxiety

--dearanxiety

hot tamale

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 16:56:15 GMT

i had a sexy dream about him last night:

so not my usual type, but i *did* watch several episodes of united states of tara before bed.

for those of you interested in the details of our trip

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 05:03:33 GMT

i just posted this on facebook:

may 7-9 - san diego (with roz)
may 9-10 - joshua tree (reserved campsite)
may 10-12 - arizona (phoenix, tucsan, ?)
may 12-13 - white sands np (hotel room reserved)
may 13-14 - roswell then carlsbad cavern np (tent space reserved)
may 14-15 - ? on the way to austin/ san antonio? the alamo? stay in random town.
may 15-17 - austin
may 17 - somewhere btw austin and new orleans
may 18-20 - new orleans
may 20 - jackson
may 21 - montgomery
may 22 - birmingham to athens, ga
may 22-25 - athens
may 25-28 - cary, nc (with jake and chelsea)
may 28-29 - dollywood
may 29-30 - nashville
may 30-june 1 - memphis
june 1 - somewhere in ky
june 2 - stay with jodi and brock
june 3 - stay with andy and ali
june 4 - mighty might mansfield ohio

if you're curious, the rest of the trip is looking something like this:
june 4- july 1stish - ohioish (15 yr high school reunion and jodi + brock wedding + bonaroo)
july 1stish - 4thish drive through pittsburgh? dc?
july 4ish-18 - new jersey
july 18-20 - nyc
july 20 - fly to geneva
july 20-november 10 - europe
october sometime - side trip to morocco with weeklong camel trek
november 10-29thish - florida (andy and ali wedding + turkey day)
end of november - beginning of feb - israel, jordan, egypt, palestine
feb-march - ghana, south africa (safari somewhere)
april-early july - melbourne (aaron + nicola wedding) then perth, then syndey and melbourne again
july - new zealand
end of july - home sweet home

cutest child quote of the week so far

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 17:40:29 GMT

"when we have a playdate can we become real sisters???"

looking for love

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 23:04:26 GMT

i am trying to clean out all the drafts in my gmail and i found this, which was once upon a time a post i made on craigslist. i've saved most of the replies because they were so bad.

anyhow, i think i did pretty well with ian!

***

here's the thing, i seem to only like guys who are bad for me, and i'm done with that. if you play in a band, that's great! if you play in a band and find it necessary to love your guitar and pseudo-groupies more than your girlfriend, that's not! you see where i'm going here.

i want someone who is not afraid. period. it helps if that someone is somehow on the outskirts of "normal" culture. has passion and drive. creative. pays his own rent. doesn't do too many drugs. dances (ok, i know that's likely asking too much). likes loud loud music. can teach me something i don't know. also, be cute. or hot. or sexy. or ummm...what else...dashing? debonair? handsome? i tend to like my boys skinny (i'm just being honest here).

me? i'm a children's librarian. i'm nerdy, maybe? cute, probably. i'm starting a woodworking class and me and my viola just joined an orchestra for marginally competent musicians. i made my own new year's cards and my head is full of ideas that my body will never have the time to execute. i like to dance and i like to sing loudly and mostly off-key. i have a messy room in a clean apartment and a messy desk in a beautiful carnegie library. i like to wear pink even to metal shows. i kill plants, not on purpose. i sit curled up in a little ball most of the time, even when it's not entirely appropriate. i'm small. i change my hair all the time and cut it myself. my brain moves too fast. i need to excercise more. i like thrift stores and restaurants and movie theaters and dive bars and rock clubs. i'm not afraid of the east bay (in fact i work in oakland). i'm nice to my friends and it makes me happy to make them happy. i am sometimes skittish. i sometimes fall asleep during movies. i take so many pictures all the time.

i'm looking for true love. or ya know, a fun time with someone.

send me a picture. i likely won't reply if you don't. and fair is fair. here are a few of me.

april fool's baby

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:10:36 GMT

people are gullible.

rollercoaster ride

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 17:57:41 GMT

as of today i am off hormonal birth control. not for pregnancy - we'll be using other birth control forms. this should be interesting. i already feel pmsy and worried and sad and sensitive and annoyed and sort of like crying/hiding. welcome to the rollercoaster!

kindle 2 love

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 17:52:21 GMT

i love my kindle 2. i haven't even read anything on it yet, but i'm getting prepared for travel by loading it up. with the $50 gift certificate i had i added about 8 books that i've wanted to read. and then for an extra ZERO DOLLARS i've added another 100 books or so. they are all classics of some sort or another and i've gotten them from amazon and from here. wootwoot.