because there's forty different shades of black (dearanxiety) wrote,

Day 02 – Your first love, in great detail

this is actually a really hard question for me. what do we count as love, in this case? i can work backwards and say that ian is my first love. ian *is* my first love. he's the first person that i have loved so well, so long, so perfectly and that i plan to love forever. it was almost instantaneously different from any loves i have had before - simpler, easier, and obvious. we are not the world's most romantical couple, i am not a girl who requires the kind of romance that many people crave. but in terms of my love for ian, it's the biggest and the best ever. the first.

but if you want to know about earlier love....different love. well, i can certainly talk about that too. i have been relatively well boy crazy my whole life. i don't ever remember not being interested in boys. i also was SO shy that i never even could talk - like not a word - to the boys i had crushes on. so it was a little pointless. anyhow, i remember a crush on a boy named chad in kindergarten. then it was craig r for a few years. this is super funny if any people i know from my hometown click over here from facebook, but whatevs. haha. i remember josh ross being my boyfriend when i was 3 or 4 years old. maybe he should count as my "first love". jarrod is another genre of first love. that was the first time i thought "i am in love". started in about 4th grade and lasted until he left ohio after 8th grade. he was actually my good friend - a family friend - who i wasn't afraid to talk to. so that was different for me. we were never an official couple for very long - although he had lots of other ladyfriends. but we did play truth or dare a lot and have varying degrees of make out sessions (depending on age) and we "went together" a couple of different times. i still have a letter somewhere that he wrote me when i went away to camp the summer before 7th grade telling me that he loved me. i truly and deeply believed that we belonged together. it's funny to think back that my definition of "belong together" absolutely involved going to prom together and off to college together and so much else that was super cute in retrospect. i still remember how my heart felt broken when i heard they were moving. i cried and cried. it wasn't just losing the dream of jarrod as my future prom date and life partner, but i think i felt like he would protect me in high school...that with him on my side i was a little cooler, a little less dorky, a little less shy and a little worth talking to. i don't know. but i also knew it would be a huge change in my life in general to not have his whole family as a part of my life in my hometown. and that, i was not wrong about. anyhow, now jarrod is married to a wonderful woman who i adore and has two beautiful twin boys and we are still friends. i see him rarely, but it's always like no time has passed when we get together, which is super nice. saw him last at my sis's wedding just over a year ago. my parents see his parents more often, which makes me happy. they are basically family to me, and i think always will feel like that. seeing any member of that family feels like home.

my first real real boyfriend was junior year of high school. michael. we were a couple for like 9 months and it was super "first love" stereotypical with all the hopes and expectations and exploration and insane cheesiness that goes along with that. oh yeah, also with the broken heart that goes along with it too.

so yeah, that's my first love, in great detail. i love love!!
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