july 13 - return from world travel
september 5 - jen and jason's wedding
september 25 - carla and drew's wedding
thanksgiving - florida for jonathan's bar mitzvah and turkey

* = i have a ticket (or reservation), sucka! otherwise gotta get one.

that'll do for now.

( past stuff i did )

have you ever actually watched a home being destroyed by a bulldozer? seen soldiers laughing while already poor families are left without shelter? it is so unfeasible to me, when i really think about it, that a government is destroying people's homes...people with nothing else. and i hadn't seen it until i decided i wanted to (couldn't that be a metaphor for so many things) and watched this video. politics aside, it's just inhumane, devastating and heartbreaking. and so counter to what people should be doing to other people and what governments should be doing for people who live within their control. it's actually just sickening.

i implore you - watch this video. take 3 minutes and see what it really looks like. don't close your eyes. then you can go about your daily business.



(support ezra)

loic posted a a great entry about our day in bi'lin last friday. it would be silly for me to repeat what he says. it's not like he didn't steal and use my pictures anyhow.

so, please go read his entry.

also, here is a video of the demonstration if you want to see some close-ups of the action we stayed far away from. if you watch all the way through you can see the soldiers attempting to arrest palestinians and the brave israeli and international activists (including our friend noam) physically preventing that from happening.





(and because ian posts fewer cute kid pictures than i do...here is this)

but things i'm going to try to do/maintain/start this year and beyond:

stick with the healthy eating thing i've been doing in israel. i've lost weight quickly and i feel good. so that means minimize the meat eating (eat good meat when i eat it), lots of fresh vegetables and fruit, eating at home the vast majority of the time etc.

limit caffeine intake

try to write something every day - just a stupid bad poem works for a start

minimize consumption and be aware of what i consume. i don't just mean food, i mean material items in general.

continue to be active in causes i believe in. take the time to volunteer etc.

do work that makes me feel fulfilled and happy

be a giving and caring friend

yoga or something equivalent

read for pleasure

be good

First of all, I want to just say that my heart goes out to the people of Haiti. Haiti is on my mind and in my heart...

As is palestine, habibty. And, I want to blog about LAST Friday before tomorrow comes and I have to blog about that! Can't get so far behind.

So, last Friday we had an adventurous day of demos and other journeys in the West Bank. We started our day in Walaje. As the wikipedia article explains, Walaje is a village just outside of Jerusalem. Large portions of their land are being annexed illegally for settlements. Sadly this story is starting to feel a little "same old same old" Sigh. Anyhow, last Friday there was a small march and rally (along with a inter-faith prayer that we were not there for, as we left early for our next stop) organized by several groups including the Combatants for Peace. This group is made up of both Israelis and Palestinians who have once been violent in regards to this conflict (soldiers or perpetrators of violence in other ways) and who have decided to lay down their arms and work together for a peaceful solution. It was a hot day and a hilly but gorgeous walk.

Here is the Anarchists Against the Wall's description of the Walaje demonstration:

Some 150 demonstrators marched on the hilltops of Walaja village near Jerusalem Friday morning, protesting against initial plans to build a new settlement on their lands – Giv'at Yael. The new settlement is planned to surround the village on all sides, taking away most of its agricultural lands and establishing Israeli control on the area with a corridor of settlements running from Jerusalem to the outskirts of Beit Jala.

In the demonstration, called by ICAHD, Rabbis for Human Rights, Combatants for peace and villagers, speeches were carried explaining the severe consequences of the new plans on the future of the village. A joint prayer of the three monotheistic religions was then held, following which the demonstration ended quietly.

Here are some of my photos from Walaje.


Beautiful Walaje


Marching. You can see a settlement in the background.


Combatants for Peace logo


I'm not going to lie. I just love this kid's wolf mask.

( read the rest here )

dug this out...thought i'd do a little review and see how i did. thinking about what i want to resolve this year.



* lose 10 more pounds appx. but do not get caught up in it and lose more than appx 10 more pounds.
well, so succeeded then failed and am starting to succeed again. travel and medication has made this a very up and down year for weight. i would like to be in peek condition by the end of this year and preferably by the time i get back to sf in july.

* read some books that are not required reading for work, committee, reviews etc.
serious success. i'd guess i've read (according to goodreads) at least 60 books that were not required for work.

* begin to write 3 books. i know what they are already.
eh. i started a novel that i think i have to entirely redo. this will definitely be a huge part of my resolutions this year. the picture book is in my head and will exist someday!

* become a librarian 2
success

* take travel in stride. enjoy myself. don't stress. emjoy every second.
better and easier than i had imagined. no problem.

* try new things. foods that gross me out. heights that scare me. walks that seem too long. people that seem not for me.
i've been pretty good about this as well.

* appreciate my husband every day.
easy. at least 99% of days.

* don't worry about friends not missing me, not loving me when i return, not caring that i'm gone. friends who are friends will be friends.
didn't do so well with this before i left and for the first six months or so of the trip. ironically as i am getting, in a way, more homesick, i am also feeling way way way less of this worry.

* send postcards.
yep!

* kick ass at work until the second i leave.
i think i did! i never stopped caring or trying.

* save money.
i would call this a half win. we did well about saving finally at the end of our time in sf, which was the beginning of 2009. but of course the rest of the year has been only spending, and we spent more than we wanted to in europe. hmmm.

* keep my mouth shut if anything that is going to come out might have the potential to hurt someone ever. remember to journal if i need to vent. or talk to ian. he's my other half and he can hear anything in my brain, uncensored.
i don't think i was perfect about this, but i will say that i really tried. and was better than ever in the past. and plan to continue working on this goal.

* grow my hair. trim it to keep it nice, but no chopping the shit off when i get bored.
success. although i have to say i'm tired of long hair already and it's not LONG by most standards. i already have my haircut picked out for when i get home. but i did grow pretty much the whole year...barely even trimmed.

* don't fart if my butt is touching ian's body anywhere. he hates that.
fail.

* cook food at home (as far into the year as i can).
eh. i don't really remember how we were about this. but we've been great about it in december!

* cook several delicious meals for my parents/family.
i did i did!

* enjoy every second i spend with my family.
i enjoyed most seconds!

* cry at my sister's wedding and cry at my brother's wedding and look cute at both, but not as cute as the brides. screw the grooms - i can look cuter than them.
shockingly i didn't cry at either. although i think ian did at both. ahem. i did, however, love love love being at both and being in both wedding parties. i consider both of their marriages a huge highlight of my year and am so excited that brock and ali are officially part of the fam now!

* open mind, no judgement.
i did pretty ok at this, i have to say.

* live my personal morals and values every day as best i can.
better than ever. easier when traveling. the real test of this will be the second half of 2010 when i'm back in the bay.

* take enough time for me.
yes.

* learn french.
hmmm. worked on it. but i wouldn't call this a full win.

* print this list and carry it with me.
yep.

* take folic acid.
yep.

* just be me as best as i can be.
don't know who else to be.

* think about forgiveness. forgive as best i can. do i forgive too much? is there such a thing?
i decided there is not. not for me. so success.

* make volunteering in the west bank happen.
it's happening!

* open my eyes, mind, and heart to every place i see, every culture i enter, every person i meet, every bit of the world i have the chance to explore.
as best i have been able to!

( my top ten favorite albums of the naughties )


you can see part 1 here, part 2 here and part 3 here

( 2007-2009 )

you can see part 1 here and part 2 here.

( 2004-2006 )
you can see part 1 here. enjoy!

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/dearanxiety

i decided that it would be fun to put together a list of my 100 favorite albums of the last decade...and so i did! i decided to post it in 4 parts over 4 days. this part will cover albums that came out between 2000-2003. the next will be 2004-2006 and the third will be 2007-2009. each of these lists will be in alphabetical order. then on the final day i will post my top 10 albums of the decade in order. WOOHOO!

so, for each album i've chosen a song and included a youtube video so you can have a listen. in most cases these aren't official videos. in almost every case, though, it is the album version of the song, and i've noted where that is not the case. i also made a playlist of all the videos, so if you want to listen to them all, you can do that here.

so, without further ado, the albums from my top 100 (minus the top 10) that came out between 2000 and 2003!

( 2000-2003 )

well, it seems like a good time to post a couple of updates. i just heard that a street of some sort collapsed in silwan due to the excavations going on there. silwan, if you don't remember, is the neighborhood where ian and i are volunteering on tuesdays. we don't have any details, so i'll edit if i hear more. but in the meantime, emily sent me this video which is quite short and a great little piece just on the issues around the archeological excavations taking place there.





this movie is quite a bit longer (about 20 minutes) but is a full-on documentary about east jerusalem. i watched it the other week and found it really interesting and informative in terms of just basic general background information and insight into what the story is with east jerusalem. i recommend watching it if you have any interest at all and a few minutes. or how about if you have almost no interest in this situation, but interest in ian and/or me and what we are passionate about and why.

Green Zone from Nimrod Zin on Vimeo.

in the meantime, we finally made it to a rally yesterday. there was an "end the siege in gaza" march and rally yesterday in tel aviv. we gathered, marched and rallied (although we left the rally early for hunger and lack of understanding of hebrew or arabic). it felt good to finally be a part of something bigger. this friday we'll go to our first bi'lin protest and there is also a rally on saturday for the shministim (which i will talk about a bit more below) that i'd like to try to go to.

here are some photos from the march.





this is sahar vardi and her dad and sisters. she is one of the shministim. shministim are high school age refusers. they refuse to serve in the army, for moral reasons, straight out of high school. they are incredibly brave, especially for their age and amidst the society they live in.
here is their own description from their website:
Who are the Seniors (”Shministim”)?
In Hebrew, graduates of 12 years of education are called “Shministim”.
Military service is compulsory in the state of Israel for young Jews under the mandatory conscription law.
We, the Shministim, high school graduates and social activists, refuse to do military service, and refuse to take part in the policy of oppression and military rule that has been imposed by the IDF in the occupied territories for over 42 years.
As a result of our conscientious objection to serve in the occupying army – an objection to take part in additional wars and continued bloodshed on both sides, and a desire for a peaceful and a just society – we are imprisoned.
Length of prison term runs between 21 to 28 days, and those refusing to wear uniform are sent to solitary confinement.
if you are interested in learning more about them or finding ways you can support them, jvp (the organization i work with at home) has a campaign around these kids. you can read more here.

i can basically never watch this little video they made without crying.





that is all for now.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
traveled for an extended period of time (longer than 6 weeks). watched my siblings get married.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make one this year?
i kept many of them. many of them will carry over.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
a lot of friends.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
no.

5. What countries did you visit?
usa, canada, switzerland, france, england, scotland, netherlands, czech republic, slovakia, austria, hungary, germany, spain, morocco, egypt, israel/palestine, italy

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
a pregnancy and some stability. no drama.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory?
may 8th - we left san francisco

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
finally got the promotion i wanted.

9. What was your biggest failure?
haven't written enough. or stayed offline.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
nothing major.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
plane tickets (and train and boat and bus)

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
there are so many people to celebrate! all of you!

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
most politicians

14. Where did most of your money go?
travel in a variety of ways. too much of it went to europe.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
weddings! bonnaroo! camel trek!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
apartment story - the national, skinny love - bon iver, jungle drum

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or Sadder?
hmmm...it's hard to say, my life is so different. definitely less stressed. but i was actually really happy at this time last year and there is some sad that comes with travel, along with the happy. so i'd say equal.

ii. Thinner or fatter?
fatter. but working on that.

iii. Richer or poorer?
poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
writing, partying it up

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
eating junky food, worrying

20. How did you spend Christmas?
we made emily a xmas celebration in her apartment and then we all cooked dinner together then worked on a puzzle

21. How did you spend New Year?
last year - probably spent new year's day sleeping. new year's eve was a party at andre and jenny's house after a party at another house.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
stayed in love!

23. How many one-night stands?
none

24. What was your favourite TV program?
it's always sunny in philadelphia, glee

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no

26. What was the best book you read?
time traveller's wife, devil in the white city, under the banner of heaven etc etc

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
thao nguyen

28. What did you want and get?
a trip, a fun going-away weekend, a promotion

29. What did you want and not get?
a lot of cute clothes all around the world.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
adventureland

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i was 34 and i made applesauce and potato latkes

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
less drama in the early months, less weirdness around my lady cycle.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
well, it changed drastically once i left sf. it switched from hipster dork to travel hippie. i have a suitcase full of clothes that i wear /over and over and most of them are not the clothes i would wear in my "normal" life.

34. What kept you sane?
ian, music, books

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
does emily's tiny kitten count?

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
israel/palestine - the occupation, the wall, etc. also civil rights for gay people, civil rights in general and the environment

37. Who did you miss?
like everyone. seriously, it was a big year for missing. in addition to all the missing from being away, i also missed kate.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
this was a big year for meeting people! all the people at my new library - piedmont - before i left. plus new friends all over the world. lizzie in italy and marias in london and egypt pals and the barcelona peeps and carla's drew and emily's friends etc etc etc and also, maybe more importantly, it has been an amazing year of spending time with friends all over the usa and the world who we normally don't get to see often.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
wherever i go, whatever i see in this world, i need to take something and leave something and still just be me, as best of a me as i can be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind

Five personally significant events of 2009:
drinking a giant beer and eating a giant pretzel at oktoberfest
volunteering in palestine
forgiving
being in 2 weddings
being asked to be maid of honor in another wedding

Five things I want to do in 2010:
travel more
stop traveling
get a job
get a home
make a baby inside me

Five people I'd like to know better in 2010:
myself
my husband
everyone else (yes, that's a cop-out, but it's true)

i made a little comic for emily chronicling a day in the life of her three cats. it is based entirely on real incidents that occured over the two days leading up to christmas.

some background, emily has three cats -
tik and zak - brothers who are something like 6 years old. zak is black and white and always behaves. he is a bit of a scaredy cat. tik is orange tabby who is influenced by the poor behavior of others. both are adorably fat.
jo - new orange tabby kitten. so bad but SO cute that he gets away with everything. and he's totally a bad influence on tik.

here they are in non-cartoon form:


anyhow, i made this comic the other night and now you can read it. also, you should know that ian and i are sleeping on a futon mattress on the floor at the foot of emily's bed. so that's who you see in the bedtime comics.



( a day in the life of cats - the comic )

so, ian and i are getting pretty well settled here in tel aviv, israel. we arrived on december 1st and were greeted at the airport by emily who drove us to her place and made us feel at home right away. we spent about 6 days here before heading off for 10 days in egypt (which i'll save for another post) and were back here in tel aviv on the 16th. we've had a lot of fun, hung out with a lot of amazing people, have had a wonderful time being in a not long-distance-relationship with emily, and generally getting to know the city. since we are spending quite a bit of time here compared to anywhere else on our travels i thought i'd update people on some of the work we plan on doing while we're here and what we have done and seen so far in regards to that work. i'm going to break this down into segments and i'll provide links and some of my own photos at the end of each section in case you want to read more/learn more/explore.

i don't even know where to start, so i guess i'll start with bi'lin. bi'lin is a village in the west bank, not too far from jerusalem and not too far from tel aviv. much of the land of bi'lin has been annexed by israel for illegal settlements and the separation wall cuts the villagers off from their land. the location of the wall has been deemed illegal in an israeli court, but in spite of court order, the wall has not been moved or torn down. i'm trying hard to break this information down and just give the bare minimum because a book could be written about this situation. ok. so. the villagers of bi'lin have been holding weekly non-violent protests each friday at the wall since early 2005. so approaching 5 years. every week. rain or shine. peaceful non-violent protests. they have become a symbol the world over of the palestinian struggle. perhaps not surprisingly, these peaceful protests actually have become quite threatening to israel and the response to them has grown more and more violent. There have been deaths, severe injuries and violence perpetuated against peaceful protesters by the israeli army. tear gas is a weekly occurrence. and now there have been raids and arrests with many members of the committee (popular committee against the wall) being detained. ok, so that's the REALLY short version of a really complicated situation. where do ian and i fit in?

for starters, we visited the village, with emily (who is a lawyer representing the village), and met some of her friends there. we talked about everything from language (differences in arabic language all over the arabic speaking world) to the conflict and our ideas of how it will ever be resolved, to what types of food we enjoy. i played marbles with mahmoud, an 8 year old boy. we enjoyed a lovely evening with beautiful people. and we visited the site of the protests, saw the wall, and the army outpost overlooking it. we haven't attended a weekly demonstration yet, but we plan to go to the one on january 8th, once the holidays are over. i know it will be a little scary, but i also know that emily knows exactly how to keep us safe. she showed us where the action happens and she showed us where we will stand. i feel completely confident and unafraid and it is immensely important to me that i show support this way while i am here and able to.

so, that's that although i will update again after we get to one of the protests.

here is some information:
general information from bi'lin's own website including a timeline, facts, figures, stats, and information about court cases etc.
bi'lin facebook community
free the anti-wall prisoners facebook group
his name was basem. a short tribute to basem, who was murdered by a soldier in bi'lin. includes photos
about arrests and intimidations
the ongoing repression of palestinian protesters
free mohammad othman
how you can help
tell president obama

photos:

tear gas canister at protest site


the army outpost overlooking the wall


the wall


roni, who is in a wheelchair paralyzed from the neck down after being shot by the army. he has brand new triplet babies!




waji and mahmoud


my awesome and relevant bday present from emily

ok, so that's b'ilin. then there is silwan in east jerusalem. a tiny bit of background information, for those who don't know about east jerusalem:
east jerusalem is the part of jerusalem that was annexed by israel during the six day war in 1967. it is about twice the size of the area of jerusalem that was part of israel prior to 1967, and falls under jerusalem municipality. at the time of the annexation, over 65,000 palestinians were living in that territory. now there are 260,500. currently, east jerusalem is separated entirely from the west bank by the separation wall, causing families to be separated, people to be separated from their work, etc etc. the population of east jerusalem lives in dire poverty (66.8% below the poverty line, and 74% of arab children in the city living below the poverty line) with almost no resources from the municipality going to the palestinian population living there. the jerusalem government has expropriated land from palestinians, building jewish housing units and no palestinian housing units. i'll link below to a really readable and interesting report that goes into great detail surrounding these issues, but some basic facts - 70 km of main sewer lines are lacking, 160,000 residents have no legal connection to the water network, there is a shortage of 1700 classrooms, and there are 9000 children not attending school.

ok, so that's some background on east jerusalem in general. silwan is a village, or neighborhood, that is amongst the poorest in east jerusalem. it is located just outside of the old city walls, very close to the western wall (the kotel) and the dome of the rock. the village has 55,000 residents, half of whom are under the age of 18. 75% of the silwan children live below the poverty line. the residents of silwan pay taxes as israeli citizens or residents, but their village has no playground, no park, no library, no cafe, no health clinic etc etc etc. residents are not permitted to build or expand their homes. and there is a large israeli settlement operating on their land, in the neighborhood called wadi hilwah, in the guise of a national park (ir david - the city of david).

in 2007 the palestinian residents of the wadi hilwah neighborhood established an information center for tourists to ir david and along with it a community center for residents of the neighborhood. the madaa silwan community center is where ian and i will be volunteering once a week during our time in israel. the center offers workshops and classes for children teenagers and adults in language, art, music, theater and more. the center also promotes discussion of non-violent methods to achieve social and civil rights. the center has a small library and a computer lab.

our first full day of volunteering at the center was yesterday (after a visit over the weekend just to check things out). it turns out that there main computer dude is out of town for a couple of weeks and is thrilled to have ian around to help out. in fact, it turns out ian worked on the software that they run on their computers. perfect! as for me, the librarian is actually a recent college graduate (in physics) who took a three hour course in cataloging and is now in charge of EVERYTHING in the tiny library. so i spent my first day helping her catalog her english children's collection, answering questions that she had, and brainstorming other things i could help set up in this library to make it easier for her and more useful for the community. the library opened just earlier this month, so it is the perfect time for me to come in and help out a little bit.

i'm sure there will be other ways that ian and i will be able to help out. it's really exciting.

we also have signed up for the archeological tour offered of the area...a joint initiative by archaeologists, activists and local residents, it basically shows an alternative to the official city tour offered at the city of david. from their brochure:
"We view archaeology as a cultural treasure that does not belong to any one nation or religion but is, rather, a means for building bridges between peoples and cultures in the region".

information:
the association for civil rights in israel's report on the state of human rights in east jerusalem, may 2009
silwan information center
the community center
the alternative archaeological tour

photos:

madaa mural


i love you silwan


ian's famous



playing a game, learning about shapes



in the library

ok, so i was going to tell you more, but clearly this is already ridiculously long, so i'll stop here with the details. instead of going on for a long time about sheikh jarrah,also in east jerusalem, i will encourage you to read this about the urgent actions that are taking place there and you can see the sheikh jarrah website here.

here's one photo of a friend of emily's (a new friend for us) at a rally outside of the courthouse waiting for arrested friends and comrades to be released. they were arrested at protests at sheikh jarrah.



we also hope to make it back to the hebron hills to visit the lovely people in tuwani and see the completed playground. you can remember our last visit to tuwani and learn about the playground project here

and just know that every day there is more sad news, but also more hopeful news of people working hard and fighting the good fight in their communities. we are inspired by the people here who have dedicated their lives to justice, not the least of which is, of course, emily. i have never seen a single person work so hard to make wrongs right (and still to play so hard). we have attended, and will continue to attend demonstrations, rallys, and protests. we will also continue to eat good food, meet wonderful people, go out dancing, and have amazing conversations. tonight we are cooking dinner and then emily and i are abandoning ian to go on a date together. tomorrow, well, that's a secret. but i'll tell you later!

you can find photo sets, as they grow, here:
tel aviv fun
jerusalem
bilin

some twitter accounts worth following, if you do that sort of thing:
jewish voice for peace
mondoweiss
war on want
wall prisoners
muzzle watch
zeek magazine
my friend jillian, a writer

so, we are now almost precisely halfway through our travels. we left san francisco on may 7th and will be returning sometime in early july. so, one of the things i have been thinking about throughout this trip, and in particular during the 3 and a half months so far that i have spent out of the country, is the question of personal change. there is this idea that travel will change a person in some deep and meaningful ways. being without a stable home, seeing so much of the world, meeting and existing within other cultures etc. and i have been feeling sort of like a failure so far for not feeling "different". i may have said it here before, but here's the deal:

i'm still me. i'm still hanging out every day with ian, who is still ian. am i being obvious here? my brain doesn't feel different, my body doesn't feel different (although actually i am in less pain probably because i have virtually no stress). my thoughts don't feel different. sometimes i am homesick. sometimes i am excited about the next place we'll be. sometimes i am content. sometimes i am tired and grumpy. sometimes i want to be alone and sometimes i want to be surrounded by people. i still love the same people i loved when i left san francisco 7 months ago and the states 4 months ago. i still miss them. so, where is this difference i am supposed to feel? how do i come back "changed" if i can't sense any change?

hmm. well, i had my first hint, i guess, during my time in florida. i was in florida with my family for about three weeks and it was so good to see them, to relax, to have a homebase, to be just comfortable and safe. i had really mixed emotions on leaving, actually. ready to go back out into the world, but sort of nervous again.

anyhow, being back in the states, in a familiar setting, did give me a hint to some changes. a difference in how i see the world that i hadn't noticed when i was moving moving moving. so, maybe i will never feel different. how can i? i am me slowly growing and changing every day as always. but i at least have a bit of a hint as to the kinds of differences this trip is already making.

i have less of a desire to have stuff. i have always been torn between a strong anti-consumerism philosophy and a love of shopping and cute things. the lack of ability to have cute things (both because of money and because of the practicalities of travel) has made me both more content to have little and more appreciative of what i do have. i'm sure being outside of the usa, and in particular in some places (with more to come) where so many people have so little is also a part of this. i have more of a sense than i did before (which was already a pretty good sense) of what else money can do in this great big world. more of a sense of the smallness of the great big world. with the widening of my community also comes, inevitably, the widening of whom i feel responsible towards, which piece of the world i consider the society that i am a part of.

not to be on a high horse...just something i've noticed and something i'm sure will change as i travel more, and change again when i'm back home for awhile. but a perspective that i'd like to try to keep fresh for as long as i can. and along with that perspective, i'd also like to remember that every dollar i spend is a choice. i can choose, even when i am buying things i don't NEED, where i am buying them. what they are from whom they come.

i don't know. there are other things along those lines. waste of energy. water. thoughts on friendships and on family. i'll save some for later.

now i'm in israel. tel aviv to be precise. ian and i are living with and hanging out with emily (and her roommate, aviv, and her three cats) for the next couple of months.



we're going to egypt on sunday for like 11 days, most of which are on an organized trip that takes us to the main sites. after that we'll be back in israel and will take some time to decide where else we want to go. i've already seen much of the country, so i'm letting ian decide. we definitely will take a trip to sinai for relaxing and we'll go to jordan, at least to petra. and we plan to go to as many demos as we can, to hopefully do some volunteer work at a community center in east jerusalem, and to just hang out and get to know tel aviv. tomorrow night we're going out dancing.

in other news, as you read earlier, i am not pregnant. i've taken a second pregnancy test and am still not pregnant. but i also still haven't gotten my period since september sometime. trying not to fret since i'm sure it's just travel plus lack of birth control adjustments. but it makes me a little concerned.\

for anyone who is curious and hasn't kept track, this is a list of the countries we've been to so far:
( countries )

and the ones we are still planning on going to:
( more )

another gorgeous one. make sure you go to the flickr page and look at these suckers biggified.

ian is finally posting his photos from our journeys. he is up to bratislava now... i love this photo of the city. i have to remember to steal our good camera (nikon d80) from him once in awhile to try to make pretty things like this.

so, i now have to make a huge post about morocco and a huge post about this wedding. but for now i'll just say that it was more emotionally intense for me to see my little brother get married than it has been for anyone else i've had in my life get married and i can't quite figure out why. maybe it's as simple as the fact that he is a boy and everyone else close to me who has gotten married has been a girl...so i've been with them for the days leading up to the wedding etc. in this case i was with ali, the bride, who i adore and love...but who i wouldn't know if she wasn't with my brother, who i adore and love. maybe in a weird way i just feel more left out...

i also was probably dealing with different emotions since i came back from travel straight into a huge beautiful wedding with so many people and so much to do. quiet time required now...

but how beautiful are they?

writing from an internet cafe right now in barcelona.... warning to the men and squirmish women out there that there is some personal women business included.

so, i had a bit of weirdness because as of yesterday my period was officially more than 8 weeks late. which of course = missing two periods in a row. i´ve been keeping track since i went off hormonal birth control just out of interest and because i thought it might be helpful to have a sense of my natural cycle when we return and are ready to start trying for baby time. so, i have always been within a week of a 28 day cycle - it took about 6 weeks for my period to come when i first went off bc and i had one 3 week cycle and one 5 week cycle and otherwise have been within a day or two of 4 weeks. so this 8 weeks and 1 day thing suddenly seemed like something i should think about. so we decided that i should take a pregnancy test and talked about what would happen if i was pregnant. by the end of the talk we decided we would literally be equally happy either way. if yes - baby! but no more trip. if no -trip!!! duh. and baby later. and it turned into hilarity when i made our friends who live (some were visiting but used to live) in barcelona help me buy the test at the pharmacy last night when we were already hours into drinking (nothing like a posse of people i had met only hours earlier buying a pregnancy test with me) and all night as i drank they discussed my poor unborn baby and if a drunken seal breaking pee at 12:01 counts as a first morning urine.

anyhow, it was weird because even though i really knew i wasn´t pregnant- like i hadn´t even been thinking about it as a possibility or worrying about it (alcohol consumption ahem) - suddenly when i had the thought i might be and said it out loud to ian, it was all i could really think about. and i had to wait for my first morning urine to test.

so, we were down to the details - like how we would call todd (our friend and ian´s last supervisor who has been trying to get me to get pregnant for a year so ian wouldn´t leave/would come back) about how fast ian could get his job back and swear him to serious secrecy and about telling my family when we were in the states next week and getting our money back via our insurance for the rest of the trip and how ian might have to go to our friends´ wedding in australia in april without me and how sad it would be to not get our two months in tel aviv with emily and how we were glad that it would be now and not before we got to at least do the camel trek and europe.... etc etc.

anyhow, clearly i am not pregnant or that would have been a different blog post (actually it wouldn´t have been a blog post, it would be a crazy secret). but it was weird because even though we agreed we were happy to be and happy to not be (for different reasons, each) when i couldn´t sleep last night the last thing i remember thinking was something along the lines "please be yes please be yes".

so, ok. what does that mean? nothing really. i am super excited to finish the rest of our trip. but it also shows that in a moment of truth we were both willing to be happy to give up the rest of the trip to go home and have a baby. and that deep down in a moment of real truth, i was choosing that if given the choice. just sort of an intense moment for me.

anyhow, it´s nothing to worry about. i´m not depressed or feeling sad or worried about the rest of the travel. i am still a little worried about NOT being able to get pregnant when i want to. i am a little concerned about what the 2 missed periods does mean and am hoping it´s just a quirk of travel and not something that´ll mean a hard time when we´re actually trying to get pregnant. and i´m a little sad like a little bit i lost a potential baby.

and i am also acknowledging that we´re in weird point of the travel. we´re nearing the end of europe and about to be ¨"home" for a couple of weeks. i´m REALLY excited for the wedding and to see my family. and maybe that´s because when life is vacation (or at least travel) the
not travel part is exciting like vacation usually is when life is work and normalness. and also it´s easy to be excited when it´s just a stop on the way to more travel. but i think i´m a little road weary at the moment. which is and was bound to happen. i look forward to the rest of the trip which´ll be a little less frequently moving around. i also think morocco was a really intense part of the trip, so ajusting back to europe is weird.... especially this particular europe. granada was easy and great and a perfect transition. quiet and quirky and beautiful and peaceful and fun and unique. but barcelona is so sort of american. i mean it´s not. but it´s full of like fancy shops and tourist trap restaurants and young backpackers everywhere getting drunk and lookin´ for love. it´s charming and i really like it, but i would have liked it more before the week in the desert with just ian and two berbers and sleeping under the stars.

so maybe i´m going through now what i was sort of prepared to maybe go through when i was back in florida for three weeks. a sort of ajustment period to "real life" after intense travel. but the truth is florida is going to be a really happy time for my family and like i said above a nice break from travel, but also just a stop on the way. it´s not going to be like when i return to san francisco in july - a real true lifestyle ajustment. so maybe this time in this genre of europe is more of that ajustment after the intenseness of our morocco experience.

and i do have a long post i will post eventually about the moroccan experience but i am waiting until i am reunited with my computer so i can post the pictures along with the post.

so, that´s that. an update on the life and times of moi...

we´re about to siesta and then hit the picasso museum if it´s not too crowded. the city is really busy this weekend so we may just lay low and do the touristy things we want to do during the week and hide out in a out of the way cafe and read today. we shall see.

hope you are all smiling.